An Open Letter To My Anxiety

I know you very well, but I never realized who you were. You were always there following me wherever I went. Your voice told me I had too much to do and too little time. You insisted people didn’t welcome me. You shook me to the core when I had to speak. You squeezed my lungs until I couldn’t breathe when I was running late. You told me I wasn’t hungry as you spun my thoughts and stomach in circles endlessly… and that I’d better make this work. Now I know: you are Anxiety.

You’ve been there for so long I never thought it was odd. I hated your taunting voice, but I listened so intently every time you spoke. I hung on every word you said and never questioned its accuracy. I let you push me around and run my life without even knowing it. I heard you chasing me from morning till bedtime. I would do anything to get away from you — just make you quiet for a few minutes — but the more I tried to silence you, the louder you got.

You’ve been my constant companion, but it is time for you to go. You hurt me, and it is time to be healed. You trapped me, and I am made to be free. I can’t let you stay. I can’t keep listening to you. The problem is I can’t make you go away. So I’m running to my Heavenly Daddy because He is bigger than you are. Know that whenever you chase me, I am just going to tell on you to Him, and He can make you be quiet. You can’t bully me anymore. I have peace that is greater than any circumstance and goes deeper than anything you yell at me. I choose to take that peace and to walk in it. I am going to listen to what my Daddy tells me now, not you. He says, “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” (John 14:27)

You tell me I am not good enough. You tell me that I have to prove myself, but Jesus says I don’t have to prove anything. He accepts me and loves me just as I am. On the cross He was enough for me, so I don’t have to work to try and be good enough. I can’t do it, but I don’t have to. Even now He is still enough for every moment that I face. He has covered me completely, and He is in control of whatever comes into my life. My Daddy says that “He is before all things, and in him all things hold together… And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus… His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness.” (Colossians 1:17, Philippians 4:19, 2 Peter 1:3)

You say I am a failure, but in Christ I overcome. In my own power, you are right — I can’t do it. But I don’t live by my own power. I live by God’s power, and His power lives in me. He is perfect love, and there is no fear in Him. He holds my future secure and He calms my heart. I don’t have to try and make my life work on my own, and I don’t have to be afraid that I will fail. I can listen to my Daddy say, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness… Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” (2 Corinthinas 12:9a, Joshua 1:9)

I’m done begging you to leave me alone, and I’m not going to try to make you stop by myself. From now on I am just going to learn to listen to my Daddy’s whisper in my heart over your screaming in my head. His still small voice will drown out all your lies about me. God is the Truth, and He sets me free. I know you won’t want to leave, and it may take a while before you stop following me around. But one day you will learn that our time together is done. You don’t have any power to hold me down anymore, because I choose to stop giving it to you. All power is God’s, and He sets me free!

“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me… for everyone born of God overcomes the world. This is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith. Who is it that overcomes the world? Only the one who believes that Jesus is the Son of God.” (Philippians 4:13, 1 John 5:4-5)

Goodbye, Anxiety. I won’t miss you.

God’s Beloved Daughter,
Amanda

2 Comments

  1. this specific post is very special to me. I have not read all the posts yet-which i intend to do- but this particular post touched me because i deal with personal issues like this and it was nice to hear how someone else got through it. i liked how it was personal and how for every person, they will deal with their pain in a different way. i liked reading your way Amanda. thanks for this:)

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